All Along the Watchtower

Friend of My Friend is My....What?
The island of Paramount was excellent this time of year, well it was excellent all around. The sun shone down every day, giving just the right amount for sunbathers and vacationers. The water was Crystal clear and filled with a menagerie of beautiful creatures. It was the fourth island of the Studio Atoll, a series of islands know to be extremely exotic and popular vacation spots. Teeming with life, whimsy, and rich people spending money to swim in water deemed socially acceptable by their peers. Truly a paradise in the New World.

Paramount consisted of a couple towns and a large jungle in the center. Arplan was the most luxurious town on the island, known for extremely nice hotels and amenities, located on the mount Para. It was a colder but still breathtaking place. Other towns included Buell-r the wild beach city, Rangogo the more casual beach town, and Father God which was the oldest city on the island. It was also currently the location of one Peterson Mort, who stood atop the massive bell tower, peering over the city. The weird looking centipede man made and odd chittering noise in thought, sounding more like he was grinding metal and throwing up than an insect noise. He aimed his sniper ever so carefully, surveying the park until he found his mark. Sitting below a tree, minding his own business was Benjamin Tabart. Mort smiled as much as a centipede could, showing his weird teeth as he aimed the reticle at Tabart's head. He was being paid a couple sacks of money for this kill and Mort loved sacks of money or briefcases or really money in any form of transportation.

"Yup yup yup, all lined up. Good job Mort you're gonna get that good sack money. I bet you it's gonna smell like burlap." He chuckled to himself as he held the sniper stead, aiming until his gun was unmoving, locked onto Tabart. "Perfect." He smiled as he moved his hand upwards, past the trigger and to where the scope met the rifle. He split to two, tossing the sniper to the side as he held the scope in place. "Yeah yeah okay let's just get this moving. HEEEREE." He grunted as he dragged the cannon he'd placed atop the tower to his location. "Alright it's all lined up according to this scope here." He continued monologuing to himself as he adjusted the cannon directly below the scope. "Yeah this is gonna be great. Heh, that idiot is gonna be so dead."

He clicked his fingers together, friction creating fire as he lit the cannon, grinning from ear to ear. One, two, three, BOOM! The cannon blasted the ball downwards, the force causing to to fly backwards, falling off the other edge of the bell tower. "This is gonna be the best assassination ever." Mort hummed triumphantly to himself as the cannonball rocketed towards Tabart.

Even thought Tabart had informed the World Government that he was taking a few days to vacation in the renown studio atolls, and although they had promised to ensure that it was at least a little secured before his arrival, he hadn't expected people to not recognize him. Especially since he had just been seen, not too long ago, speaking with the right-hand of Kurama, Sparrow Raizen, a current contender for the epithet: The Strongest Swordman in the World.

He had assumed it was only a matter of time before someone detailed his location to someone, and it was only a matter of time before someone attempted to ruin his vacation. It was why he sat here below the beautiful tree. So that when they did, he could use it.

The cannonball surged towards him...How in the hell did they get a cannon in the middle of...nevermind.

The cannonball surged towards him like a rocket, however, such an assault was hardly anything that could kill Tabart. Surely the attacker knew that.

He exhaled deeply, mentally commanding the wood of the tree to grow outwards Tabart like a prison, encapsulating him in a wooden wall that absorbed the blunt of the blow as the cannonball exploded against the bark.

Even though the wood had been completely blown away, the tree remained, and Tabart sat their unscathed.

"Frida is going to be pissed I'm late again," Tabart muttered, pulling himself to his feet slowly. He glanced towards the Bell tower, and pointed.

"HEY! COME DOWN HERE! FACE ME LIKE A WARRIOR!"

Mort was taken aback by the trees warping around him to block the cannonball. ''Wait is the island helping him? How does that work?"'' As he attempted to figure out how to kill a sentient island, very loud shouting came from his quarry. His concentration broken Mort yelled back. "I'm not a warrior. I'm an assassin. You stay right there!" He yelled back, fully announcing his presence as he picked up the sniper in one of his wiggly arms and aimed towards Tabart.

Mort began unloading round after round in quick succession before finally taking aim with the empty snipe and chucking it at Tabart like a tomahawk.

"Did he just...."

Tabart lifted up his arm, revealing that it was shrouded in bandages. The bullets slammed against the bandages, clanking as they fell onto the ground, and eventually the sniper.

He caught it, and tossed it to the side.

"D-Dude!? What are you doing? W-Why would you reveal yourself if you're an assassin!?" Tabart yelled back.

"Don't tell me assassination rules. You couldn't understand my rules!" Mort screamed back pulling a detonator from his suit. "I'm gonna fuck you up magic bandaid man." He pointed an accusing finger at Tabart as he hit the detonator, causing a ring of explosions around the base of the tower. It fell forwards from atop the building it was on with Mort riding along. When it finally fell parallel to the ground the building behind it exploded, the force of the explosions sending the massive tower flying at Tabart like a missile.

Mort stood atop the tower missile, an uncomfortable to look at smile on his weird centipede face. "Who's not qualified now!"

"What the fuck?!" Tabart yelled, slamming his palms onto the ground just as the tower was sent flying in his direction. The earth cracked, bent, and became uprooted as massive wooden trees sprouted as quickly as one could imagine. The Shichibukai erected a dense forest in the path of the tower, using the wooden trees, and vines that came alongside them, to slow the tower down until it came to a complete halt, like a parachute stuck in the branches of trees.

Snapping his fingers, the forest begun to bloat, before the trees exploded entirely, turning the tower into a cloud of debris and flaming stones that went soaring across the grassy plains. Tabart stood at the opposite end of Mort.

"Why are you trying to kill me?!? Who the fuck sent an assassin after me?!"

Mort seemed relatively unharmed from the forceful explosion bursting around him, he rolled off a pile of rubble and stood to face Tabart. His eyes blinking in an odd rythmic pattern.

"I'm being paid by some dude. Um lets see here." Mort chirped, narrowing his eyes as he peered across the streets to a nearby cafe. "Yeah I'm pretty sure it's that dude in the glasses." He gave a small wave towards the man before springing from his position, towards Tabart. "So you're a tree man or something. That's a lot of trees. You make trees?" He spoke as extended his arms outwards. Werid arm legs rapidly dancing back and forth as he began to fire a barrage of air bullets at Tabart, stemming from every leg on his arms they numbers in hundreds per second.

"Wiggly-Arms: Gum Flavored Gatling!"

Tabart's eyes widened until they were occupied by nothing, but white space. "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?!!!"

His response was met with a ferocious stomp, forcing the grass to rise and coil around his body. As it touched his flesh, he channeled his Busoshoku Haki through it, hardening it into a blackened armor that repelled the bullets of air like ping pongs slapping against wooden paddles.

"Here! How about this?!" Tabart continued, calling out while remaining in his cocoon of grass, "I'll pay you double to STOP trying to kill me?!"

"Of course I know you. You're worth 500,000,000 but it's frozen, and frozen is the worst. Tab-rat or something yeah." Mort replied as he landed in front of the man, drawing knives as he approached his haki covered body quite confidently, a gleam in his eye. Then Tabart spoke those golden words.

"OHHH?" Mort paused completely, dropping his arms to his side as his eyes lit up. "You'll pay me 1,000,000,002 beri? Are you joking? Are you not? Let me see the money! Wait is it in Burlap? Well it doesn't matter but. Show me it. Deal if you have it. Pay me!" Mort was getting uncomfortably close. His weird centipede parts squirming with anticipation.

Tabart paused. "Who the fuck was going to pay you my bounty to kill me?! You do know the World Government RETRACTED that, right?!"

"Well yeah he wanted to pay less but you're worth at least that much." Mort replied, humming slightly to himself.

"I.....I don't have any words for this," Tabart said, putting his hand on his chin thoughtfully. "T-There's no way...I can't pay you that money...Well, I could, but I need way more than you not killing me. Hell, i don't even think I'm worth that much."

He lifted his head up and pointed towards Mort. "You! If I give you that money, you owe me more than my life, you hear?"

"You're the one who promised me double, but if you're gonna pay me more I'm listening." Mort replied, still standing way too close for comfort.

"P-Pay you more? No," Tabart replied, nodding in disagreement. "No, if I give you 1 billion belly, you owe we more than not just killing me! You'll have to be my own certified body guard. Considering you found me here, just blew up a huge ass tower, and then had another plan; You must be at least a little skilled, don't you think?"

He smirked. "I want you to work just for me, and only for me you big ass bug."

Mort held a finger up. "Oh I'll do any job for money. I've officiated seven weddings and only ruined three. Yeah alright I'll do it but after a year I'm gonna require more from you." He then turned and began briskly walking towards the cafe.

He arrived in front of the table with the man he'd previously pointed out. "Hey there, I'm getting paid way more to not kill Tabart. Like so much it's crazy." His hand shot out, grabbing the man by the face and lifting him out of the chair.

"Wait please I'll pay you double, triple what we agreed on." The man's voice was entirely muffled by Morts hand but through the vibrations he could understand it.

"Nope nope nope. Not enough Kubrick. Gonna have to tie up loose ends." Mort grinned with his weird centipede face and extended his arm outwards, swinging the old man's body in a circle as vibrations traveled from his arm to the man. The man began to shake as Mort finally released him, tossing him high into the sky. "Wiggly Arms: Fireworks!" Mort called as the man reached his peak and exploded, raining bits of vicera down over a plaza a couple blocks away.

Walking back over to Tabart, Mort gave him a thumbs up. "Alright boss what do we do first."

"......" Tabart nodded. "First, let's go get you your fucking money..."

"I like you already Tab-rat. This is going to be the start of a beautiful payday for me. And also you'll get great protection. I'll kill anyone, no moral qualms at all."

"M-M-My name is Tabart. Ta-bart. Not Tabrat. Who would name their kid Tabrat?" Tabart inquired curiously, before huffing and throwing his hands dismissively. "Nevermind that. You ain't gotta tell me you'll kill anyone. In fact, it makes me more uncomfortable that you would, so like....don't."

"Taaa...Bartt. Got it." Mort sounded the name out, nodding to himself. "I'm gonna be honest I liked Tab Rat better. It's got some zest to it, like champagne or ricochet." Mort continued, completely ignoring Tabart's concern.

"You can just call me Tab for short, and then imagine the rat part if that makes you not shoot me," Tabart replied, turning to face the town. "I can get your money now, if you want. But I gotta call it in from Mary Geoise. I don't just carry around 1 billion belly, you know. So, let me know what you wanna do. You can wait here somewhere, or come with me until somebody delivers it."

"I'm you bodyguard now Tabart. I'm being paid not to leave your side. And I have to make sure I'm in range to remove your sides if I don't get my money." Mort laughed, releasing more of a chittering screech. "But a call to Mary Geoise. Do they just give you money? Can I call them and get some more too?"

"No, Mort." Tabart facepalmed. "They don't give away money. I'm a Celestial Dragon. You know what that is, yeah?"

Mort immediately stopped, blocking Tabart's path. He then reached out and attempted to touch his face, stopping when he'd noted there was no invisible bubble. "Where's the fancy suit and the bubble. Oh and the escorts. Can you call an admiral in?"

"I don't use any of that stuff," Tabart continued, pushing Mort's hand out of his face. "No suit, no bubble. Otherwise people would single me out as a Celestial Dragon...But, word got out from some snitches, and now everyone knows. The fact that you don't...What kind of assassin are you again?"

"Peterson Mort, the greatest assassin ever. I once fought Legs and then spent seven years in a pit. She cheated so much in that fight. Did you know she can make lightning?" Mort rambled. "Not only that but I've got like a lot of confirmed kills." Mort then began listing the first names of many people he'd killed.

"I honestly don't know what to say about you. I just think you're honestly this insane." Tabart looked at him blankly. "I really need to get your money before you actually try to kill me. You would honestly attempt it."

"Well of of course I would, I just did. Someone was paying me to do it and now you're paying me to not." He tilted his head at Tabart. "You understand how goods and services get exchanged right?"

"....Forget it," Tabart sighed, throwing his hands into his pocket. "Just follow me, and we'll get your cash and your contract."

"Ok lead the way. I can't wait. I love money." Mort chirped back.

Where's My Allowance?
As an island that experienced a flux of wealthy visitors nearly the entire year, the cities that populated Paramount were often significant in size, and well maintained. The streets were clean, and the guards patrolled the streets as they should, protecting all of their wealthy visitors from the wrath of the displaced islanders.

Even though it was like paradise, Tabart couldn't help but notice the gentrified communities. It wasn't until very recently that Paramount became renown for its amazing scenery, perhaps because before it was an island that was not under the protection of the World Government, however after discovering massive reserves of gems and precious jewels, it had managed to force itself into the World Government by paying Heavenly Tribute.

After that, the marines protected it from the wrath of pirates, and slowly the island was transformed into a popular destination spot, whom's economy thrived on tourism. However, the natives that once lived in these popular towns had all since been pushed into the wetlands of the island; forgotten.

Tabart caught a glimpse of on in his eye, roaming through the street, begging for money on the corner.

He sighed. "The taxes must be heavy here."

"20% if I recall correctly." Mort replied, "Though those documents may be old, might have gone up again."

"Huh?" Tabart muttered, turning back to look at Mort as they passed through the town. "You actually know somethin?"

"I mean I had a cannon and a bell tower missile. Not just anyone can do all that. I'm clearly perfect." Mort responded, attempting to flip his nonexistent hair to punctuate the sentence.

Tabart grimaced. "Right..."

He turned back ground, sliding his hands into his into his pockets. As they passed the beggar, he swiftly placed belly into the small container, before continuing forward.

"You said your name was Mort, right? We're going to a marine base here. I'm going to make the call there and have someone deliver the money to me," Tabart responded. "Where the hell are you even going to put 1 Billion Belly anyway?"

"That is correct, I am Mort." Mort nodded vigorously as he pointed to himself.

He grinned. "As for the money don't you worry. I keep it niiiiice and safe."

"What do you spend it on?"

"Weapons, suits, swords, fancy food, lessons, breakfast food, shiny objects, mort-gauge, bubble makers, technology. You know stuff you spend money on." He chirped back.

"Ah," Tabart replied. "Good. I thought you were one of those people who just hoarded money to hoard it. I'm at least pleased to see that you're good for the economy."

"Oh no I keep it in a big pile too, I'm saving for retirement." He chirped back. "Someday I'm gonna kill everyone and then no one can pay me anymore. Then I'll sleep on it."

Tabart sighed. "You know, you could get a real job aside from killing people...like, I don't know. The fuck are you? A worm or something?"

Mort stopped dead in his tracks, grabbing Tabart by the shoulder and turning towards himself. "I am a centipede and I kill because I can. It's fun, I get loads of unmarked bills and free money." His tone was surprisingly extremely casual for how serious the rest of his body was acting.

"Mercenary is a real job. I can't phone some bubble people for bags of gold when I want."

Tabart's expression remained blank. "Oh, I see...You're on those type of people."

"Those?"

"Yeah, those type. The ones who get some sense of fulfillment out of murder," Tabart replied casually. "I thought that maybe you killed for some higher purpose, but for you it's just enjoyment. That makes you even more dangerous than I thought, but much more useful than I could have ever imagined too. You'll kill for anything, even something as worthless as money. I can't say that there are many people out here like you."

"Well yeah of course I'd kill people for money. Assassin." He pointed to his face with about eight of the legs on his left arm. "Also thank you for noticing my danger, I always appreciate when people do that. Some people are all like oh another challenger alright or you can't use 100 swords at once or some other third thing. Crying maybe. Pleading? I honestly lost my place." He trailed off, letting his hands fall to his sides.

"But yeah have you ever killed anyone? You seem like you can. But you have me now too."

Tabart nodded. "Yeah, I've killed a few people. That's why I'm in this mess that I'm in now, because that fucker had to die on me. Now, the entire world wants my head."

"I hate fuckers, not like the sex ones. Those are ok. The ones who like annoy you. I hate them. Oh hey who did you kill?" Mort continued.

"Heh," Tabart replied, turning around and walking the other direction. "Don't worry about it."

"No now you have to tell me. Listen I killed Ferd Franzinan, Queen Ellabeth, Jonathan Jonathan Janitor, and almost Daddy Legs." Mort spoke excitedly, following him. "Ok so tell me who it was I told you some of mine."

"You almost killed a Yonko?" Tabart inquired, turning his head back slightly.

"Yeah remember how I said earlier that umm." He paused before recalling the exact phase.

"I once fought Legs and then spent seven years in a pit. She cheated so much in that fight. Did you know she can make lightning?" Mort spoke. "That I said that. But yes yeah I almost got her but she can like say "no" to things like on the playground. It was weird."

".........Um. Okay." Tabart turned back around.

"So yeah tell me who you killed okay."

"Kenway Stalkman. A giant who was once revered as an hero in Elbaf," Tabart responded. "That's how I earned my name, the Giant Slayer."

"Stalk-men, hmmm.." Mort thought for a moment before nodding happily. "Yeah yeah I know him. Huge guy, castle in the sky, very fly." He hands shot out and lifted Tabart up with cheer, before placing him back on the ground.

"Good for you boss, that's a target right there. What did they pay you for it?"